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Anxiety turned me into a bit of a clairvoyant, you know. I had this uncanny ability to predict the worst-case scenario for pretty much any situation. Job interview? I was convinced I'd fumble it before setting foot in the door. A date? I was already convinced they'd reject me within minutes.
Now, I get it – anxiety is there to keep us safe. It's a natural instinct. But truth be told, it was ruining my life. I was passing up opportunities, always fixating on the potential downsides rather than the positives that could come from taking a chance. It wasn't until I hit 30 that I realized I had to do something about it. I felt like, despite being in my thirties, my personal growth had been stunted since I was 16, the age when my anxiety first reared its head.
For many, 16 is a turning point – the start of higher education, first serious relationships, and the thrill of planning your future. Driving, parties, festivals, all those things. My friends were embracing it all, living in the moment, and enjoying life. Meanwhile, I'd become a bit of a hermit. Social gatherings? Avoided like the plague. New experiences? Terrifying. Going to university? That thought left me trembling, and don't even get me started on driving!
My parents thought it was just a phase, and so did I. I hoped that with time, I'd grow into a confident, fun-loving person. But quite the opposite happened.
Fast forward to me at 30. Every prediction I made about my own inadequacy and failure had come true, but they were all self-fulfilling prophecies.
One day, on the bus to a job I hated with a boss who treated me like an idiot, and a non-existent career, I made a promise to myself. I decided to change my situation. Throughout the day, I was fueled by optimism and hope for the future rather than dread. But I knew I had to tread carefully. I gave myself six months to transform my life into an anxiety-crushing machine.
Step one: get in shape. I hadn't exercised since school, and I was terribly out of shape. I joined a local budget-friendly gym and started running five times a week. At first, it was just five minutes at a time, but I gradually built it up to 30 minutes. Even after those initial five minutes, I felt a boost in my mood. It was remarkable.
Step two: tackle the negative self-talk. I had sessions with a CBT and NLP therapist, which laid a good foundation, but I didn't want to rely on others to "heal" me. So, I applied the principles they taught me to my life. I worked on reframing negative thoughts, and although it was tough at first, I persevered and noticed a real shift in my mental outlook. Others noticed too, and I got a kick out of people recognizing my newfound positivity.
Step three: I started volunteering. I'd seen a TED talk on the significance of being needed by your community and the benefits of giving back to the world for self-worth and self-esteem. My job had given me knowledge about personal financial issues, so I thought I could offer advice to families in debt. Despite not being religious, I checked local churches to see if they needed my help, and one of them did. The work was incredibly rewarding, and making even the tiniest positive impact on people's lives filled me with happiness.
That was five years ago. Today, I'm happier than I've ever been. I've got a new job with genuine career prospects, and I've started dating. I've been with my current partner for three years, and we plan to get married next summer.
So, here's my advice to fellow anxiety sufferers: anxiety is manageable. While it may seem like it controls you, it works the other way around too. You can control anxiety. It's challenging, no doubt, but the simplest things, done consistently, really did the trick for me.
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